I am often told that people admire me for all that I do to create a life for my son and yes sometimes it is relentless and hard. I’m the one who has to ensure that he is looked after on all levels. I am the one who works hard to ensure he has a comfortable home with toys and books that he loves. It is my responsibility to provide him with clothes, organise his meals and take him to preschool during the week as well as his clubs, social catch ups and friends parties. Most nights, if I am not working, I ensure he has clean pyjamas and teeth before tucking him into bed with a good night story. I’m also the one who is there in the small hours when he needs cuddles and comfort to help return to sleep and sometimes that involves being pushed to the edge of my double bed so he can sleep.
I am the one who teaches him how to ride a bike and take him on adventures to learn about life as well as have new experiences. I have to care for him when he is hurt or sick plus make decisions about his wellbeing and education. I am the one who provides discipline, who teaches him right from wrong. I am the one to teach him kindness, compassion and to live his truth. I am responsible for teaching him boundaries and what is acceptable behaviour both from him and how he should be treated.
This is an incredible amount of pressure and responsibility which honestly is overwhelming sometimes and I do wonder how I juggle all of this as well as do my work and have something that resembles my own life.
I do find that there are times I feel lost or unsure as to what is best to do for my son. It is difficult to know if my choices and decisions of what I think is best are right or not.
All I do really know is that even though it’s hard, even though it is relentless and even though I frequently feel like I am winging it, I know I am giving my best to my son every day that I can to ensure that he has the best life……… because if I don’t, then who does? The buck stops with me and there is no one else and knowing that drives me every day, even on the tough ones