Recently I taught my little guy how to jump off a swing and I was so proud of his bravery that I filmed it and shared it on social media.  This post was received with mixed comments by other which ranged from wow you are a super mumma to oh my gosh this is dangerous, why would you do that!  My response being he is a child, he is a fit active little boy so why would I not?  My son and I have an incredible bond and he follows my lead.  He watches how I do something, I teach him and then its his turn to try.  He knew I would catch him and I know my son well enough to know his capabilities.

Recently we celebrated his 5^th birthday and I reflected on all that he has achieved in his lifetime so far – he is a well travelled boy, having been round the world 6 times, he can swim, play rugby, run and climb.  He regularly attends a martial arts class, he has ridden roller coaster rides, he learnt how to ride a bike without stabilisers when he was 4. I’ve taken him swinging through tree tops, sent him down zip wires and taken him 200ft underground.  He’s been on jetboats, driven around the Top Gear track by a professional sports car driver and been on cable cars up mountains.

I believe life is about having adventures and making incredible memories with those you love.  This attitude clearly has rubbed off on my son as I have encouraged him to try anything and everything.  When he was a baby I taught him how to climb out of his cot properly as he was going to do it anyway so I may as well teach him the right way.  Of course I am conscious of his safety at all times yet I refuse to bubble wrap him and tell him he is not capable of doing something.  I will always encourage him in the right way as then I know if he does fall without me present then he can land and look after himself. If I teach him to be strong and confident now at a young age, this gives me confidence for his future and ability to look after himself.  This is the role of a parent I feel, to set your child up to live a life where they are willing to try, where they are willing to push through a little fear to experience the excitement of achieving new heights.

Seeing my little guy’s face light up when he tries something new and pushes through to do something he didn’t think possible is an incredible feeling.  I love teaching him this life lesson and know it will set him up for hurdles ahead in all aspects of life.

I am also aware that these early teachings could well come back to bite me when he decides to be a thrill seeking adrenalin junkie base jumping warrior!!  But you know what at least I know I’ve been successful in teaching him to follow his passion and live life to the fullest.

Sometimes I reflect on where I am in my life and question whether or not I could have done things differently to ensure I didn’t end up as a single mother and every time the answer comes back that I had to go through the experiences I did to become the person I am today.

I can remember being in this bubble of stress and uncertainty which felt like I was riding an emotional roller coaster on a daily basis.  At the time I knew the situation I was living in did not make me feel good and it was the awareness I had of the impact this could have on my son that pushed me into making some tough decisions.

I am grateful I had the strength and determination to create positive changes for my son and yes it has been one of the hardest experiences of my life yet I’ve known intuitively it was the right thing to do.  There are still times I am saddened by the loss of how I expected family life should be and in truth I stuck with trying to make things work as a family for a long time as my life plan was not to be a single parent.

I had to have a look at what was actually real life rather than cling onto an ideology of how I wanted life to be.  Whilst this was confronting, it really was the catalyst to those tough decisions – I simply asked myself how long is long enough to live in an unhappy marriage.  I could see things were not going to change and for the sake of my son, and most importantly myself I took ownership of my situation and worked to change it.

There are times I can see others going through similar experiences that I had, I have even listened to others troubled times and offered advice to help increase their confidence and self-belief with making the best decision for them.

Going solo is far from easy yet it is possible.  With a bit of grit, determination and amazing support network I have created a stress free independent home life with my little guy.  A home that is full of love, laughter and adventure and this I treasure every day.

I am often told that people admire me for all that I do to create a life for my son and yes sometimes it is relentless and hard.  I’m the one who has to ensure that he is looked after on all levels.  I am the one who works hard to ensure he has a comfortable home with toys and books that he loves.  It is my responsibility to provide him with clothes, organise his meals and take him to preschool during the week as well as his clubs, social catch ups and friends parties.  Most nights, if I am not working, I ensure he has clean pyjamas and teeth before tucking him into bed with a good night story.  I’m also the one who is there in the small hours when he needs cuddles and comfort to help return to sleep and sometimes that involves being pushed to the edge of my double bed so he can sleep.

I am the one who teaches him how to ride a bike and take him on adventures to learn about life as well as have new experiences.  I have to care for him when he is hurt or sick plus make decisions about his wellbeing and education.  I am the one who provides discipline, who teaches him right from wrong.  I am the one to teach him kindness, compassion and to live his truth.  I am responsible for teaching him boundaries and what is acceptable behaviour both from him and how he should be treated.

This is an incredible amount of pressure and responsibility which honestly is overwhelming sometimes and I do wonder how I juggle all of this as well as do my work and have something that resembles my own life.

I do find that there are times I feel lost or unsure as to what is best to do for my son.  It is difficult to know if my choices and decisions of what I think is best are right or not.

All I do really know is that even though it’s hard, even though it is relentless and even though I frequently feel like I am winging it, I know I am giving my best to my son every day that I can to ensure that he has the best life……… because if I don’t, then who does?  The buck stops with me and there is no one else and knowing that drives me every day, even on the tough ones

When I was younger I distinctly remember thinking that one of the reasons why I would not want to have children is because the man always gets to walk away, whether it be going to work, out with their friends or just leaving altogether.

Perhaps it was because I watched my mum raise my brothers and I whilst my Dad was absent a lot.  He was a great provider and worked long hours commuting daily as well as having many interests which meant some evenings and almost one day every weekend he was out.

I saw my mum reliant on the housekeeping allowance Dad provided for the weekly groceries and to buy the clothes we needed, I saw her tired, busy and always putting her children’s needs first. Perhaps this is why I have always been fiercely independent and determined to provide for myself without needing anyone.

I didn’t want the responsibility of children, I didn’t want to lose my independence and I didn’t want to feel resentment about being left at home alone to look after a child.  I felt it was unfair to expect a mother to do everything as a child has two parents whom should share responsibility of their offspring.  I held these beliefs from a very young age so I find it quite ironic that I am now in the position my younger self dreaded so much.

Since becoming a single mum, I have connected with many other women doing it solo and the stories we share resonate and what becomes clear is the bond and strength we automatically give to each other.

My own personal experience is not isolated, sadly, in today’s society it seems to be the norm.  I know of fathers who are living in different countries to their children, I know of mums who are struggling to get their children’s fathers to contribute towards their upbringing.  I know of parents who are battling for support and shared custody.

Why is this acceptable?  When did it become ok for a parent to walk away and abandon their child?  The answer is it isn’t.  It seems society shrugs their shoulders and accepts that the man of the house can leave.  It seems that it’s ok for men to put their careers and their personal hobbies and interests first in front of parenthood.  Yet if the mother leaves or pushes for her independence it seems to be taboo.

There needs to be a shift towards a better work life balance from both parents’ perspectives so families can enjoy more time together without worrying about childcare or earning enough to cover the bills.  The more important ‘job’ you ever have as a parent is to raise your child, be there for your child and guide them through life.

This is not a dig at men or a stand for feminism, it’s a shout at society to open their eyes and see that the ones that truly miss out in a one parent family are the children.

Wow motherhood . . . . .this is definitely one journey that no one can prepare you for.  Growing up I never really had a strong maternal instinct yet since the day I found out I was pregnant this has kicked in stronger than I ever thought possible.

Becoming a mum is one thing, yet to have your dreams of what family life should be like taken away so you end up doing the gig solo is another thing.  I’m not going to dwell on how this happened, the fact is I am here doing the parenting thing on my own.

Sometimes life sucks and being a working solo mumma with a lively little guy to raise is tough.  It has its highs, lows and sideways curveballs.  I’m sure I am not alone in the daily struggles and the dramas of motherhood and I’m sure I am not the only solo mumma proudly raising her child in the best possible way they know how!

I’ve been inspired to share my journey here with others in the hope that it can help you through the rough times and let other mummas know there is someone else who understands the relentlessness you feel every day.  Of course I also want to share the fun times, the pivotal moments and show that this shines brighter than the dark emptiness that can frequently be felt and hopefully shine some light onto it.

You can expect an open candid insight into all aspects of being a mum from my perspective, it will be real and raw as that is what being a mum has allowed me to become.

I hope you enjoy my thoughts and experiences – I’m excited to share them!